Mot: A sexy Irish blonde at a casino ,seemed a little intoxicated……
She bet £20,000 pound in a single roll of the dice.
She said”I hope you don’t mind I feel luckier in the nude”.
With that she removed all her clothes, rolled the dice and yelled-
“Come on baby,mama needs new clothes!”
As the dice came to a stop She jumped up and yelled
“Yes,yes I won…I won….”
She hugged each dealer and picked up her winnings and clothes and left.
The dealers gazed at each other dumbfounded, finally one of them asked “what number rolled on the dice?”
The other replied “I don’t know I thought you were watching”.
Moral of the story
-not all drunks are drunk
-not all blondes are dumb
Mot: Husband Banned From Store For Hilarious Reasons
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
April 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
May 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
Jun 14: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
July 19: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
July 24: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called.
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.
October 16: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.
Nov 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’
Nov 11: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’
And last, but not least:
Nov 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.
Mot: Man Comes Home Drunk Thinking His Wife Will Explode, but What Happened Instead Is ……..
Mot: …….. Warning!! – with Easter Coming up ! ~~~~